Dancing Slowly in an Empty Room

Anonymous asked: WOW @ tumblrdatinggame(.)com WTF is this.. my little brother's roommate is on this and I think I saw you too lol

Spammmm

pitchblackglow:

every time i lose a follower i just wonder what was the last straw

(Source: hormoaning)

7 People I Need to Forgive in My Life

I had to do a “Me” project in my Psychology class last week.
At first I didn’t want to get personal.
I mean I don’t know these people closely and a lot of them are gossips and condenscending.
I wasen’t going to do it.
As my classmates stories went on, though, they shared things that made me want to open up more.
When my turn came I didn’t do it though.
I did, however, come up with a list of 7 people that i desperatly need to forgive in my life.
This forgivness isn’t about that other person.
I tired of carring hate around.
It’s making me bitter and that’s not the way I want to live my life.
I’ve been mentioning to my closer friends lately that I made this list and I found it odd and upsetting that no one asked about it.
What if they had been on it?
Wouldn’t they want to know?
So here it goes in order of easiest to forgive to hardest and why..

                  
       1, & 2.) My dear old parents.
                   I need to forgive these two for not really ever being there for me. They bought me clothes when I had to have them and had something edible in the house at all times, but neither of them has ever tried to get close to me. My mom had my sister and my dad had my brother.Now they are just waiting for me to grow up and get out. Mu mother has said on more than one occasion how she’s done raising kids and just over it. And the fact that I can’t eat in my house without getting a comment. They always tell me I’m going to get fat or I got too much or something. And they constantly compare me to my awesome college student brother and act like I’ll turn out like my other pill head brother or drop out sister. I’m me, guys. Just me.
     
    3. & 4.) Just some p.o.s people.
                3 molested me in 4th grade when I was 10 and he was like 16. 4 raped me the summer before my 10th grade year. That’s all I’m going to say about that, but I’ve carried so much hate for so long because of these two and they don’t deserve that power.

    5.) A Homewrecker.
         The girl who had sex with my boyfriend after being fully aware that I was his girlfriend for the past couple of months and he was my boyfriend. Not hers. No matter how cute she thought he was. She had no right. No right to ruin the best thing that ever happened to me. We weren’t close thought, so what could I have expected. My bf asked if his friend couple stay over because she got in a fight with her dad and needed somewhere to stay. It sounded nice, so of course I’d let her stay there in the living room, of course. Except the bitch didn’t stay on the couch, but found her way to my boyfriend’s bed and into his pants. Only the Lord knows if it was planned or not. The worst part was that I wasen’t told until a whole year later. We hung out with that girl on multiple occasions. I sat beside her on a friend’s bed and she complimented my hair. If I saw her now.. Well I wouldn’t hesitate to punch her crazy eye straight and you think I’m joking. 

     6.) My Boyfriend. 
          Who could be worse than the chick who fucked your boyfriend? Oh, the boyfriend for fucking some fat slut. Why do guys downgrade when they cheat anyway? Because it’s easy? He even tried to make it better by saying he was on drugs. That helped. He’s the one who didn’t tell me until I almost died, too. That’s what it took for him to come clean. A whole year later. He couldn’t even tell me the truth at first. I got “She just gave me head.” then “We messed around.” then “We almost had sex.” then “We did, but It was only for a second.” finally just “We had sex. I cheated. I’m sorry.” I don’t understand. I can not fathom being able to fucking cheat on your significant other one night, then hang with them the next day and act like everything is just fine, then see them almost every day for the next year and act like nothing ever happened. How could you? How could you make me believe in love, hope, happiness, and compassion? How could you, then rip it all away just like that? I don’t know what kind of person that would take. Which is why it’s almost impossible for me to trust you now. I just know for a fact that you are not the same person I started dating a year and 8 months ago, which is why I want so desperatly to forgive you, but you physically are and did those things is what makes it so damn hard.
      
          7.) Myself.
              Forgiving myself would be by far the hardest thing to do. No matter what these people have done to me it doesn’t compare with the hurt I’ve thrown at myself. I’ve blamed myself for everyone else’s actions. I said it was my fault my parents didn’t love me. I said it was my fault that guy touched me so young and that other guy raped me. It was worse knowing that type of stuff happened to me twice, so it must’ve been my fault. It was my fault my boyfriend cheated on me, because I wasen’t pretty enough or skinny enough or good enough for him or anyone. I’ve cut my self on my ankles, thighs, stomach, hips, arms, and wrists. I’ve made myself throw up everything I ate for weeks at a times. I’d kill myself excercising for hours on an emtpy stomach. I’d drive everyone away that did care about me. I’ve done pills, pot, alcohol. I’m addicted to selfdestructive habits, because I have learned to absoloutly hate myself. I’m my own worst enemy. I have times that I can’t look in the mirror because I’ll dog myself out so bad and pick out every flaw that I’ll cry for an hour. I hate what I do to myself, but I hate myself more.

I need to forgive these 7 people before I can achieve happiness.
I’ll work on it.

Some days I think I’m getting better.
I think I’m getting over what you did.
I think I’m moving on.
I think I’m starting to love myself.
And that I wont cut or purge again.

But then I have those days/weeks when all of that hope slips out of my hands.
When I can’t be happy with you no mater what you do.
When I cry every night.
When I can’t keep the razor from my skin or the toothbrush from my throat.

It’s a battle and struggle every fucking day and no one gives a shit or no one notices.
I just really want someone to be genuine and surprise me with their actions.
I want to see happiness again.
I want to spend time with someone truly joyous.

Tell me you honestly can’t see the scars and cuts on my wrists and thighs and I’ll show you a liar. 

That moment when you’re laying in bed at night and just whisper
“I wish I was happy.”
and the full force of that hits you in the chest like a high speed train
and you cry for an hour from realizing all of the things that make you so unhappy.

Damn. Hell of a Saturday night.

I Need Help! I’ll Love You Forever!

*Sorry, I had practice and look like shitt.

For anyone that actually reads my blogs or sees what I like and re-post could you give me some songs, poems, book characters, or movie characters that are a lot like me or my life?

I need to figure it out for a project for school. D: